Dark Fantasy

I love dark fantasy novels. Maybe they are a bit trendy right now but I enjoy them. I prefer the setting to explore concepts of morality in complex situations. The darker fantasy book allows for more in-depth conversations about humanity and what makes a person human, who do we see as good and bad. Most importantly though I like the discussion on grey areas.

The Grisha Trilogy has a darker tone and explores some dark themes and Six of Crows has you following some perhaps morally questionable characters. The Savior's Champion is really a true dark fantasy that explores themes of humanity.

However, I think the book that most strongly highlights the complex themes and narratives that I love and really make a dark fantasy novel is Dragonwitch by Anne Elisabeth Stengl so I will be using that book as the foundation for my discussion. Dragonwitch is part of a series that I wouldn't overall characterize as dark fantasy but as an individual book, it is. My favorite line of the book that might actually be one of my favorite quotes ever just because it sets up the novel so well and really establishes the title character.

"Have you ever watched an immortal die? 
             You who have slain countless fey fold, tell me if you dare: Did you ever stand by and watch and immortal death? Did you see the blush of life fade to grey, the light of the spirit slowly wane? You have taken life, but have you seen it stolen from before your eyes? 
                I have" 

This just gives me chills as it really sets up the darker tone of this novel. Previous books in The Goldstone Wood series have had a much more bright tone. Not necessarily light themes but sunnier in the overall tone of the books. Not Dragonwitch. She is dark and you spend a lot more time getting to know the "villain" of the story and their backstory. The other characters that are the good guys of the story also start in a gloomy castle setting.

This is line is also our first introduction to the Dragonwitch who in previous novels is mentioned as a horrible person and a "bad guy", but this line adds another layer to her and adds depth. In the Goldstone wood world, dragons are people or fey who have given their soul to the Father of Dragons. Here we see some of why perhaps the Dragonwitch decided to become a dragon. By the end of the novel, you have a deep sympathy and love for her. Or at least I did. It didn't make her character any better of a person but rather a more sympathetic villain so to speak.

These are the two aspects of this dark fantasy novel that I love the most. There are many other aspects but I honestly need to do a reread of Dragonwitch.

What are your thoughts on dark fantasy? Do you have a favorite dark fantasy book?

Disability & Social Work

Within my graduate program and my work as a para in a school, I have been reflecting on disability and social work frequently. I am thinking about how often social workers interact with individuals who have a disability and how well prepared are social workers. It is what lead to my choice of a research topic and is also impacting what I think my capstone topic will be focused on. I think about social work and disability specifically within child welfare as that is my focus area.

I have a sister with disabilities and I have thought about what kind of social worker I would want to interact with her. I also know from working in a school that on a few occasions when a social worker came in to talk to a student with disabilities they didn't know how to interact or assess because the student was non-verbal. This is where I feel growth is needed. Social workers need to be creative in looking for ways to still communicate, assess, and engage with individuals. I would recommend asking to observe in the classroom and how they interact. I would also ask to interview paras in the classroom and the classroom teacher. Ask what staff that student interacts with the most or connects with best and interview those people. As social workers, we need to be comfortable thinking outside the box to get our job done and done well. What is best for an individual to meet their needs. I have also had other experiences in my practicum of social workers not knowing how to work with individuals with disabilities both adults and children.

I know social workers, especially in child welfare,  are overworked but this is not an excuse to simply give up on interviewing an individual who is non-verbal. Social workers are not alone to blame for this. Those who educate and train social workers need to step up on providing training and resources to help social workers do better. Social workers need support to be able to do well in their job. I want to see more research done asking social workers what they need, more research on what individuals with disabilities need from social workers, and what families need social workers to know. Perhaps in the future, I can help achieve this. Right now is not the time but who knows what the future will hold.

My Theology/Religion Book TBR

 This year I made the goal to read 10 Orthodox books that would either relate to theology, saints, or some other way. Because I want to makes sure this goal actually happens I made a list of the 10 books I need to read. I am allowed to read other books in addition to these 10 but I have to read these 10. I find when I make a list and am specific with the titles I am more likely to actually complete.

So far I have read 3 of my goal books and am in the middle of another of my books. I have been going through a bit of a reading slump with COVID going on right now. But here is my list of 10 Orthodox books to read. I will note which ones I have completed and which one I am in the middle of reading. I might give some information on why I picked some of the books as well.

1. Grand Duchess Elizabeth of Russia by Lvubov Miller
I actually really need to get moving on reading this one as I have actually borrowed it from a friend. I always feel nervous borrowing books from people as I am such a mood reader and I feel nervous when I take too long to work through a book.

2. Reclaiming the Atonement: An Orthodox Theology of Redemption by Patrick Henry Reardon -Currently reading
This one has been on my TBR for a while and I was first drawn to it as I am still working through gaining a deeper understanding of how the Orthodox understand atonement and redemption and how it differs from the western understanding. I highly recommend this book so far from what I have read which I am about 80% through. I also ended up purchasing more of Reardon's books because I enjoy is very in-depth but at the same time accessible writing.

3. Bread & Water, Wine & Oil: An Orthodox Experience of God by Meletois Webber
So part of why I selected this one is because I was able to purchase it on audible for an audiobook. I try to either listen to church music on my way to services of a theology book. I also have been experimenting with if listening to theology books will help me to read more of them. I was intrigued by the description of this book however as I am always looking to better understand how Orthodox views of God differ from other Christian views.

4. Orthodox Worship: A living Continuity with the Synagogue, the Temple, and the Early Church -Finished
I got this one as it was recommended to me by Audible but I really was interested by it because ever since I read Jesus and the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist (Catholic author but so much good material) I have been interested in understand the Jewish origins of Orthodox theology and practice. I feel like I need to reread this book actually as I do not think I fully processed all of the information in the book.

5. When the Church Was Young: Voices of the Early Fathers
Another Audible selection but I recently saw Hank Hanigraf did a podcast on this book so now I am extra intrigued by it. I will say that I am interested in gaining a better understanding of the early church and the theologians of the time.

6. At the corner of East and Now: A Modern Life in Ancient Christian Orthodoxy by Frederica Mathewes-Green - Finished
This one I selected mostly because I find Mathewes-Green to bean and easy to read author and I wanted something a little more soft and easy to read. Perhaps a bit less hard-hitting than other books on my list. It was also on Audible and the author was also the narrator which was very enjoyable.

7. Everywhere Present: Christianity in a One-Storey Universe 
This one I selected because it was on Audible. I can't remember if there was any other reason for selecting this book but I am interested in reading it.

8. The Orthodox Church by Kallistos Ware
My parents read this book when we became Orthodox and I have wanted to read it for a while and it is a bit of a classic in the Orthodox world but I have not gotten around to it so this year will be the year that I read it. I even ordered my own copy to annotate from Powell's bookstore.

9. Resurrecting Easter: How the West Lost and the East Kept the Original Easter Vision by John Dominic Crossan & Sara Crossan - Finished
So I purchased this book from Bookoutlet when I found it accidentally and I was very interested to read a non-Orthodox person's view on Western versus Easter Pascha/Easter. This book also focuses on religious art history which I was very intrigued by. I will say that there were some interesting tidbits in it about the history of how the Resurrection is portrayed. I would recommend this book.

10. Christ in the Psalms by Patric Henry Reardon
I selected this one originally because of the author and it seemed a good one from my reading list, however, after reading his other book I am even more excited to read this one. I am also intrigued by it more now having read bits and gained a better understanding of Christ being in the Psalms and the Orthodox Church's relationship to the Psalms. I am planning to read through the book of Psalms while reading this book as well.

What are some of your reading goals? Do you make specific goals with a specific list of books or do you make a goal and then go without a plan.

Star Trek Discovery: Why Tilly is Actually Amazing

I love Star Trek. I grew up watching Next Generation as a family and my whole family loves sci-fi. Recently, with the pandemic going on, we started watching Discovery. This post will probably have some spoilers so if you are concerned about that stop reading, go watch Discovery, and then come back to talk.

Ready? Okay.

One of the things that I heard from Star Trek groups before watching Discovery was a lot of hate for the character of Tilly. The main thing that people seemed to complain about with her was that she was annoying so I went into the show expecting that. I did also want to keep an open mind and form my own opinions about her but I was prepared for her to be a character that would annoy me. Well having watched all of season one and two, I just don't know what people are talking about. I absolutely love Tilly so this is my post to talk about why she is, in fact, one of the most amazing characters on the show.

First I want to address what I am assuming people find annoying about Tilly. She talks a lot especially when she is nervous which is most of the time. She has a happy and bubbly personality. Maybe a little like a puppy. These are the things that I assume people find annoying about her, which to be fair I might find Tilly's personality exhausting for me as an introvert. However, I probably would also be the extremely awkward person in the corner at the party who Tilly would come over and talk to and invite to interact. I am pretty sure she would engage me and try to make me feel welcome and honestly, that would probably make me like her and move past the aspects of her personality that I might find clash with mine. Tilly is the kind of person who would try and make everyone feel welcome. She would see who is feeling awkward or uncomfortable and try to fix it.

The other thing that I love about Tilly is how much she is willing to go out of her way to help her friends and support them. She is a loyal friend. Such as when she was trying to find a way to help Staments with the spore drive. She wanted to find a way for him to not feel trapped as the navigator for the rest of his life. She is willing to reach out to Burnam as a friend when Burnam is feeling isolated. Tilly also helps to build her friends up when it comes to the Queen PO in one episode where she helps her to become strong and step up to her duty to her people. When she meets up with the queen again she recognizes how she has grown and tells her how proud she is of her.

Tilly is also willing to challenge Burnam. Burnam would rather avoid talking about her feelings but Tilly says "I love feeling feelings" and is open about what she is feeling. She practices empathy and connection with others and listens to them. She challenges how they think but does it in a subtle way by asking questions.

Something else that makes Tilly relatable to me is her complete nerdiness. She loves science and will say things like "that's so f*cking cool!" or "That is the power of math, people." She is incredibly smart but sometimes struggles to see herself that way. She isn't bold and being bold and speaking up pushes her outside of her comfort zone. She has the goal to be a captain someday but struggles with the confidence to achieve that goal. Her friends come in and support her and show her her strengths and tell her what will make her a good captain. I can relate to struggling to feel confident even when I know I am capable of doing something and having a goal but not feeling bold. However, having friends and colleagues that support me and show me that I am truly capable and strong and can achieve my goals makes all the difference. Just like with Tilly. 

Lastly, and perhaps this is an odd point, part of why I love Tilly is that she doesn't have the body of a typical Hollywood actress. She is a curvy girl, which is not often seen in sci-fi shows. I am a curvy girl and I really appreciate the representation of seeing someone with a body like mine on a TV show. I can't help but feel some of Tilly's struggles as a character come from not being a skinnier and not fitting a particular mold and that makes her all the more relatable. She is still an awesome and amazing and strong character and not just thin. Perhaps this is a bit of superficial reason but I can't help feeling that I would feel so much more comfortable in my own body during puberty if I had seen more women like Tilly on TV and had the representation of my body.

What are your thoughts or feelings on Tilly?

Accessibility & Reading

With my reading revival this past year I have also been meditating on accessibility to reading. There are a few different ways I think about accessibility and reading and I wanted to start a conversation and thinking about how we think about reading and how we access reading material.

the first way I think about accessibility and reading is perhaps the one we think of first and as the most "obvious" because of our current social conversations of accessibility. That is how well can people who are differently-abled able to access books. I was at the library last summer and while I was browsing I wondered about why there isn't a section of brail books in regular local libraries? I know that there is a library of brail books in Seattle but what if you don't live near Seattle and cannot access that library? In order to read books do you have to purchase a book in brail? What is the cost of brail books? These were what I have wondered. Mainly thinking about how can we make books more accessible in brail to local communities.

The other side of accessibility and disability/differently-abled that I have been meditating on relates to my own sister. She cannot read herself but she loves books and in fact sleeps with a copy of A Little Princess. She knows that we love Harry Potter and she wants to feel included in having read the books. Now with audiobooks, she listens to books every day. She will talk to me about what she listened to in Harry Potter and will actually re-listen to her favorite books even her favorite parts. It amazed me how much more accessible storytelling became to her now with audiobooks.

The second aspect of accessibility that might be less obvious to us is just thinking about how people access books. I remember growing up when our local library did a Bookmobile that would come to our neighborhood on a bus and my sisters and I could walk to it. It was an important part of my development as a reader growing up. Sadly that program went away and I worry that without it people who live in more rural areas or do not live close to a local library will not have easy access to library books. I also think about how accessible bookstores are both in location and pricing. I certainly do not wish for writers to not earn a living or to have quality publishing but owning books and growing up with books in the house was important to me and I want others to have access to it.

What do you think about accessibility and reading? Do you have any observations?

Studying in Grad-school

Perhaps this is not everyone's experience but it feels sometimes even more difficult to study in graduate school. I don't know if it is because I am in part-time school and full-time work, or that I am just a bit older and more things have come into my life than just doing school now, or at the moment if it is adjusting to online school work. I don't feel that the work has truly gotten more difficult. Perhaps it has and I am just not paying attention or if it is that I am focused solely on social work classes so because all the classes I am taking are in the same subject instead of 5 different subjects. Yes, there are topics that might be challenging. Research class has been challenging my abilities and requires a lot of knowledge about how to run a research project, but the actual material doesn't seem more difficult than what I was doing in undergrad. 

I think the struggle that I am finding is that there seems to be so much more going on in my life now and so many more things taking up space in my brain than just school work. I am thinking about taking care of my car and thinking about paying some bills. With my job I am doing a full-time job that requires a lot of active thinking and working with coworkers that are different than the jobs I was doing on campus in undergrad. My on-campus jobs know that I am a student and the expectations were different. Not so with a "real grown-up job" the expectations are different being a student is fine and encouraged but your boss is not also working at the institute where you are studying. 

Now let's add this whole COVID-19 onto the experience. Now everything is online and I am very much missing the structure of meeting in person. I feel a bit more on my own and while I was homeschooled, homeschooling in high school is very different than trying to do at-home learning as a grad student. Add to that when you are doing online meetings with tutors or professors and your family and cat are around. Mostly my family is respectful of my needs, the cat not so much but she is gonna do what she wants. I have found the importance of making check-lists for the day of what needs to be done, putting due dates into a calendar, and also taking regular breaks to get up and move at home. Sometimes also extrinsic motivation like "I will watch the youtube video I want if I do ______". 

If you are a current grad-school student what are your experience with studying and how is it different from undergrad? If you are a student of any kind how are you managing studying from home? 

Liturgical Calendar

With everything that has been happening with COVID-19 in the world, it has highlighted even more how important the structure of a liturgical service and calendar are in providing stability.

I have generalized anxiety that has gone up and down over the years but I have noticed it gets worse when my life lacks structure and stability. Such as when I worked a job that had very inconsistent shift times week to week. However, I have always held on to the fact that when I go to an Orthodox church service I know the structure of the service and what will happen. I am familiar with the hymns and prayers I feel a sense of peace, comfort, and stability with this. Not only with the services themselves, but also with the liturgical calendar. It is a predictable structure of the year. I know when feast days are, when fasting periods are, and particular saint's days. I appreciate also the level of structure that happens in monasteries and how they structure regular prayer time, while not something that I as a layperson have used or implemented I appreciate the daily structure that it can provide.

What amazes me even more than just the peace and comfort that the liturgical structure and calendar provide for me personally is how it has impacted communities in the past. I took a Medieval Christianity class in undergrad and my professor talked about how churches and monasteries would ring bells during services to let people know they were being prayed for while they were out working. This would have been so powerful to think about how others are praying for the life of the world even when you cannot but also provides a kind of schedule structure to the day and the community. Feast days also would have played an important role in communities and church parishes were a center for village life. I can only imagine how in the Medieval period when things were chaotic the kind of peace and comfort liturgical structure brought to people.

Lastly, when I participate in a liturgical calendar and structure I feel strongly that I am not alone. There are so many other people involved in that same service in the past, present, and future. Which is part of Orthodox theology that liturgy takes place outside of space and time.

Much love and prayers for you all